Patrick is an imperial trope

Once upon a time,

Patrick was raised by “Christian” Roman colonizers who made a living out of oppressing England. Karmically enough, and no doubt amid cries of joy of many an Englishman, the highborn brat was kidnapped by Irish Pagans who found him useful as a shepherd for a family that had only daughters. (He later spread the specious rumor that he’d been a “slave” of the rather disorganized Irish people.) Through years of actually having to do honest work, Patrick grew bitter against the Druidic/Brehonic system (forgetting, as privileged children often do, his own wicked parents’ obvious role in his kidnapping).

“Lie? Me? Never: the truth is far to much fun!”

In adulthood, apparently not having learned his lesson, Patrick found a way to retaliate against the insult to his family’s *snerk* honor and crush the Irish way of life, insinuating the Roman system by means of imposing Rome’s version of the trendy new “Gospel” kick on the Irish, being ordained bishop of Ireland under the Roman Empire’s authority. Patrick continued his pathological lying, spreading rumors that bolstered support for his new hocus-pocus, and many an Irishman and -woman were dazzled and hornswoggled as their native lifestyle was supplanted by a far more cynical one.

On the plus side, authentic Christianity came to Ireland not through Roman-rite bishops but through Egyptian-style abbots! That is why the Roman-law English have always flattered their rather impressive egos (and excused genocide) with the notion that the Irish never really embraced the Gospel, when in fact the Irish embraced the authentic Gospel of the Spirit and often had the strength thereof to reject the watered-down and violence-canonizing fraud of empire.

The end.

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